special post jst for you

Today is the night that I decided to pour everything out in my mind which has been flashing in and out for numerous times. You have left me near 2 months, in these 2 months I had learn a lot that none of my life will experienced it. You taught me how to be a better person, a better boyfriend, a better son, a better husband and a better daddy in future. Until now, I still kept the entire lesson you taught me, and it will always remain in my heart even in future we might not be able to patch back this relationship again.

Recently, I went back to my hometown. Everyone started asking where my pretty girlfriend ah? They used to ask about my girlfriend all the time, because every family gathering, occasion I will try my very best to convinced her to be along with me. I wanted to proudly tell them I've finally found my partner in life, she is the girl that I will date and she is the one and last in my entire life, I am going to marriage her as my last one in my life too. No doubt, I willing to bring her to show it in my family/relatives gathering because I knew that she is the only one I willing to sacrifice my life to her. Although we had only coupled for few months, but I felt that we had coupled for a very long time. She is the girl that I had my 'love at first sight' feelings when I first saw her in our graduation, God send his blessing to me, I was assigned to sit behind her throughout our ceremony. Apart from that when we were all busy taking photo for our college gang (we do not know each other even though we were from the same college), I offer myself to help her to take photos with her best friend. Ya I know I sound so lame on that time, but what to do I just like to see her smile. Right the way through the whole ceremony, we took plenty of photos together, either singly or with group. I didn’t realized it until when I transfer all the photos to my laptop, I found out that most of the picture taken she was inside, and I was just standing right beside her throughout all the photo, is that what we call fate? Not only that, out of all the photos I had in my camera, I mean singly photo most of it were taken with her, I wonder why we have so much fate during that time? After the ceremony, I get her contact number and MSN to keep in touch as we will forward all the photos to everyone. What I remember was, when we were to return our graduation robe and she was the last few students to return, and she was queuing with her best friend and chit chatted there. I take my heroic to go say bye bye to her before I leave and I requested a last photo from her. Since then, I’d started to sms her, call her and msn her everyday every night without failed. I realized that I had feelings on her even though I just met her for once. In these few days before I really invited her out for a dinner, I kept dreaming of her charming smile, a very very charming smile that melted my heart. Until now I can still intensely remember the way she smile at me, really sweet and charm. And there, I’ve started to out with her, bring her to eat nice food, go Genting because she loves to air there and etc.
Alright, continue back to my hometown, all my relatives asked why my girlfriend didn’t tag me along this time? I told them, I did a mistaken that she decided to leave me forever. And they keep ask, really no turning back for her? Yes, I answered. She decided to leave me forever and she says to me before, if I ever hurt her in future she will not forgive me. Sorry, I didn’t keep my promised to you that I once promised you I will never hurt you but I did it again, really sorry. I felt really sorry to her, but once mistaken had happened I can’t twist it back. Things happen in wrong timing. All my relatives were so cheerless to know we break up, everyone miss you!

After the family reunion, is the time with my family again? This time my family decided to hold a family meeting just for me. We sat together at the living hall and start asking me all sort of things regarding her. My parents say, they never see me so serious in a relationship, yes I admit I’m not serious all the time. Normally when I have girlfriend, I will not bring her back to my hometown for my family to scan through, each time I just felt that that's not a good timing to introduce my girlfriend to my family. But her, even before we coupled I had already bring her to meet my family, and they all like her so much seeing that after I coupled with her, I'd become more mature in everything I do, a better person. And most importantly, I started to know how to sayang a girl, which is her. I sayang her so much until my friends started to ask, are you serious on her? Yes, I answered proudly. I just can tell myself that, no matter what I must protect her, she needs protection. Till then, my parents had given me a green light to go after her before we really coupled; they all can see that she really taking good care of me even before we coupled. Example one time when I was ill for few days and my parents have to drive all the way from Johor to KL just to see whether I’m okay or not, out of curiosity they saw her was taking care of me, cooking porridge, arranging everything, feed me to eat medicine, remind me to drink more water and juices, she even scarify her beautiful sleep and online chit chat time just to take care of me, she sit right beside me comforting me to sleep, make sure my fever has subsidize and a lot more she had did that to me that none of my ex- girlfriend did that to me before, honestly! All this make my parents need not worry that I don’t have someone to take care of me, they even tease me that we both look like husband and wife, but why..... now we become like these?

I try my best to give her the best. I work very hard to earn more money so I can bring her to travel to the country she long awaited for like Paris & London. I have even set a target that end of 2009 I should at least bring her to oversea, if Paris and London I couldn’t afford then Australia will do! I really worked very hard and my job require a lot of outstation and she never sound a words to me before saying that I always leave her alone, from these I know that she is really the one that I needed the most, that is why I try my very best to bring her for holidays. Example our recent Christmas HK trip. As I know she love HK very much especially during winter, so I decided to bring her to HK last year for our Xmas,and she enjoyed herself very much. In that 1 week time, everyday I can see her smile broadly, that’s what I’m happy of it. I worked very hard to earn more money so I could buy her everything. I even had started our future plan, to buy a condo for our wedding in future. All the things that I did, is all because of you! But things have changed... changed!


“All the while when I with you, I always keep my 3 visions as my daily motivation to work’s. I really miss you”

今天，雨天

今夜的我很不寻常，
将打到一半的post全给删掉，
然后对着空白的entry发呆了好久好久...

在没有妳的日子内，
我活了将近2个月，
是怎么活过来的？
我不愿再去回味。
已经够痛够苦了，
够得..连回忆都被我琐住。

所有的妳，
都被我收进盒子，
藏在最深的柜子里，
就在今天下午，
那个我哭完后的下午。

无法多写了，
心里的感觉...
除了很痛，还是很痛...

笑脸

朋友说：“我好怀念你的笑脸，”
我才发觉，
我都忘了怎么笑...
也忘了怎么好好对待自己。

心里的那份散不去的痛，
折磨得我太久太久，
生活..3餐....等等..
都被我无所谓地抛开...
任性的什么都不想管了。

明明知道这样不对，
但我没办法不任性...
要把生命中的一部份割舍，
我1分钟又1分钟地忍耐着..

想逃离那份疼痛，
但它却还是牢牢地，
还存在我的身体内。

对不起

对不起...
为何妳不狠狠地把我骂一顿？
为何连个原因都没跟我要？

这是我的错过。
那是妳的太好。

而我...没有那个资格拥有妳,
因我...还没准备好可以给得起任何承诺。

美仪....

千千万万个对不起

你试过吗?

你试过伤心到 睡不着觉吗?
你试过伤心到 睡觉睡到一半突然醒了接着哭了起来吗?
你试过伤心到 避自己看完一整份报刊然后在街上不停的快跑,把自己弄的精疲力竭吗?
你试过伤心到 开车时,跟朋友在一起时,眼泪突然偷偷流下来,然后狼狈的把它察掉吗?

等待着我已死去的老婆活过来带我一起走

老婆妳在那里?
为甚么丢下我然后自己离开, 妳不要我了吗？
自妳离开以后妳可知道我有多难过多辛苦吗..?
我的天不再是蓝了,没有妳我该怎么办..
我连起来的力气也没有了…
妳是否知道妳是我最爱的老婆/亲人。
那妳又怎么舍得令我难过呢？
我知道我的老婆不会这样忍心对我的.
老婆妳在那里….我很想念妳.
很想很想妳…妳听到吗..?
我的老婆已经不要我了….不再回来了.
她不再爱我了…
她残酷的扔下我一个独自的生活..然后离去.
妳的离去甚么都没有留下,只留下天天想念着妳的我..
我真的忘不了妳.
这到底是所谓的幸福还是折磨..
老婆我真的希望妳能带我一起走.
我一定等妳，老婆我爱妳！

我

我还很爱妳，我放弃不了
我忍不住的去想妳，想着爱妳的感觉
妳留下的发夹还在我的桌面上
妳给我印的字条还在我钱包里
妳用过的笔还在我抽屉里放着
我很想大声的告诉妳，我想妳了~